I knew - I know - that Caelan has a long way to go before being himself, but it still sucks. A part of me hoped that we would get him home and he would see his toys and his sisters and it would make all the difference. He'd want to play, he'd be happy and smiling and would just feel better because of it.
Unfortunately that's far from the way it's been.
Bringing Caelan home has been like bringing home a new baby. We have to learn a new routine and adapt to this new and different way of life. Our boy, who since originally coming home has always slept through the night, now wakes up crying and calling out for us at all hours. He hasn't woken happy once and he never used to wake unhappy. He's jumpy. He startles so easily and always seems to be a bit on edge. He wants Damian and I both by his side constantly. He truly panics if left alone for a minute and clings to you upon your return. These things have gotten worse since we got home, where as I thought they'd get better being in his own surroundings. He's so not himself it's kind of hard to watch. At least when he was in the hospital you could rationalize that he was in different and unfamiliar surroundings being poked by various teams of people at all hours of the day and night.
These drugs are really wreaking havoc on our little guy. It really, really sucks!
On a positive note, we're getting lots of snuggles in. So NOT our boy, but definitely a much more welcome side effect of withdrawal