overloaded

I haven't been in the mood to blog lately... it doesn't happen often, but when it does even some exciting, eventful or funny moments don't snap me out of it.  I think these slumps happen most often when I'm in mental overload.  Any and all creativity gets pushed out of the way while I have so many other pressing concerns... and those concerns aren't always topics that I want to get into here.  Having said that, here are some of the things that have been occupying my brain space lately...

Yes, I've been worried about Caelan.  Waiting for a surgery date again has been weighing on my mind.  What if he gets sick before we get him in for surgery.  Should we have admitted him to get him into surgery faster?  Did we make the right decision keeping him home?  This list could go on and on ....

I've been worried about the girls.  The attitude is just a flying and I feel I am constantly second guessing our parenting decisions...  At the same time, frustration is at an all time high and patience nearing some all time lows and the girls are pushing every boundary and testing every limit.  We're not enjoying having to argue about every.thing.every.single.night.  Think I might have griped about this already...

The girls' progress reports came home from school.  They're both doing good.  Nothing exceptional, but meeting expectations.  I find that Ryland is coasting along.  I think she could really excel but we haven't been able to motivate her.  I find she lacks ambition or initiative and I don't know how to teach her that.  Heck, I'm not sure I have that!!  I've asked for meetings with Darcy's teachers because I really feel that Grade Three is a critical year.  It's amazing how much more homework they get this one year.  She has more homework that Ryland in Grade 5!!  It's a struggle to get her to complete it, and near impossible if you want it done neatly, which for some reason is a big deal to me.

Then the next minute, I think I'm too hard on them.

Work is work.  I'm in the middle of training some time sensitive material.  The majority of the training sessions are scheduled for next week and the launch date is November 20.  I've been wondering how I will balance work next week and Caelan's upcoming surgery.  It's been on my mind a lot this week, going over various scenarios without even having a surgery date.  Making back up plans and alternative arrangements, all the while wondering how we will afford me taking this additional time off.

Money.  Always on my mind... (Can't help singing that a la Willie Nelson!)

Then that gets me thinking about how we are going to manage everything when Damian does return to work.  He extended his leave until the end of this year.  There are so many things to consider and creating a schedule that will work for all of us is going to take some major juggling.

Then there are the things that even I think I'm silly to be getting worked up about right now... like organizing for Christmas!  This should be the last thing I'm worrying about - and I'm not really worried about it, but definitely thinking about it and aware of the fact that I'm not as organized as I like to be at this time of year.  Or what about worrying about making birthday plans and birthday lists?!? Or baking for lunches?  I'm telling you ... TOTALLY INSANE! 

AND the worst of all --Worrying about whether I'm worrying too much!!  Anyone else out there do that?  Love when I start worrying about whether I'm worrying so much that my ulcerative colitis is going to flare!  Just ridiculous - because then I can worry about what would happen if it did flare and ...

See it just never stops.  My brain is in mental overload...

oh yah, and I almost forgot.  Today we got a date.  Caelan goes in for surgery on Monday at noon.