Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Pregnancy rant

Consider the title as your warning...

It all started back when we first got engaged.
For some people it starts even before that…

“when are you two getting married?”

We were young enough that we certainly weren’t harassed on that front. However, I must admit to being surprised that my first day at work being engaged I was asked when we’d start a family? Really? We’re not even married yet?? I laughed it off at the time, knowing that the particular gentleman who made the enquiry was anxious for grandchildren of his own and just wanted everyone and anyone to be having babies. Looking back now though I think, wow, what allows people to think that they have the right to weigh in on your life. I’m not referring to close family and friends, although sometimes I think they can get out of line too, but strangers, colleagues, and casual acquaintances! Where do these people think they have the right to weigh in on someone else’s family planning?

What makes someone think that when a couple has two daughters the only reason they may choose to have another child is because they can’t live without a boy? I know many families where all the children are the same sex and they’re questioned as to whether they’ll be trying again. I remember when we announced that we were pregnant with Caelan and all the comments that came with it about trying for a boy. It was overwhelming to say the least and frankly we had all the girls stuff so weren’t convinced that if we were to have a preference that it would be to have a boy. Are we sorry we had a boy? No. Definitely not. We wouldn’t trade him for the world. Would we have been disappointed to have a girl? No. Definitely not. We wouldn’t have traded her for the world either. Whenever this presumption was presented to me or I was asked what I wanted I always said that we were aiming for a healthy baby. It honestly summed up our feelings pretty well and I felt it kind of put people in their place at the same time.
Oh, and I won’t get started on all the people that get ticked off because we choose not to find out the sex of our baby before it’s born! That’s right. Don’t be hanging around here in hopes of a post announcing that we’re having a boy or a girl, it won’t come. That opportunity has come and gone and we didn’t find out.

The other question that people feel compelled to ask when it’s none of their business is if the pregnancy was planned or a surprise. I think this one bothered me the most this time around. Everyone assumes that if you’re having a fourth child it must have been an accident. I kind of take offence to the idea that we’d be that irresponsible. We couldn’t possibly be so crazy to do this intentionally!! But you know what? I’d rather you kept your assumptions to yourself and it’s NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!
As of yet nobody has been all touchy feel-y on the baby bump and I haven’t been asked if I’ll be breastfeeding or circumcising this baby, but I don’t doubt that people will ask. They always do. We are a curious people. I know that for the most part people don’t mean any harm in asking these questions. Maybe it’s just that I’m pregnant and a little more irritable than usual, a little less tolerant too. That probably has a lot to do with it. I’m not sure it’s everything though… I’m pretty convinced that other people have felt the same way.

But just one last thing…

This one will be your last, right?

You’re done now aren’t you?

Four is surely enough?


  1. A rant this is . No comment but I do know where you are coming from.
    Love, Mom

  2. WOW! This was good - you should send this to Today's Parent mag. - thye have a monthly guest author and you get a $100 for it I think --- start a new career???? I am guilty of some those questions - but I have also been asked them - and being the BF I expect you would just tell me you prefer not to answer - although - there is VERY little you are allowed/able to keep from me......xoxox